Social anxiety, and what actually helps.

2 October 2026 · 7 min read

Social anxiety is the fear of being judged, embarrassed or found wanting by other people. It is more common than it feels from the inside: the ABS National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing found 7.3% of Australians aged 16 to 85 had social phobia in the previous twelve months.

It rarely announces itself. It tends to show up as the call you put off, the event you leave early, or the hours spent replaying something you said.

How it can show up

• dreading meetings, phone calls or speaking up in a group
• blushing, shaking or a racing heart when people look at you
• planning exactly what to say, then picking it apart afterwards
• staying quiet so nothing can go wrong
• turning down invitations you would actually like to accept
• relief when plans are cancelled, followed by feeling lonely

None of this means something is wrong with you. It means your mind has learned to treat social situations as a threat, and it is working very hard to keep you safe.

Social anxiety at work

Work is where a lot of people notice it most, because the situations are hard to avoid:

• Meetings: waiting so long to speak that the moment passes
• Video calls: watching your own face instead of the conversation
• Phone calls: writing a script for a two-minute call
• Feedback: taking a small comment as proof you are failing
• After-work events: going, then spending the evening on edge

These are some of the most common things people bring to counselling, and some of the most workable, because they come up often enough to practise.

Why avoiding it keeps it going

Avoidance brings quick relief, so it feels like the right move. The trouble is that it also stops you learning that the situation was survivable, and often fine. Over time the list of things that feel hard gets longer.

The same goes for quieter safety habits, like rehearsing every sentence, holding a drink so your hands have something to do, or never making eye contact. They take the edge off in the moment, but keep the fear in charge.

What counselling looks like

Counselling for social anxiety is practical. With your counsellor you will usually:

1. Map what happens. The situations, the thoughts that come up, and what you do to cope.
2. Look at the predictions. What you expect people to think, and what tends to happen instead.
3. Build a ladder. A list of situations from slightly uncomfortable to genuinely hard.
4. Climb it slowly. Trying one step at a time between sessions, then talking it through.

You set the pace. A step can be as small as sending a message you have been avoiding, or keeping your camera on for a few minutes of a video call.

Small steps people practise between sessions

Every ladder is different, but early steps often look like:

• asking a shop assistant a question
• saying one thing in a meeting, even a small one
• making a short phone call without a script
• dropping one safety habit, like over-preparing, for a low-stakes conversation
• staying ten minutes longer at a gathering than you normally would

Afterwards you note what you expected to happen and what actually happened. The gap between the two is where confidence grows.

Online sessions can be a gentle start

For many people with social anxiety, walking into a clinic waiting room is itself a big ask. Talking from home can make the first sessions feel manageable. Some people start with their camera off for a few minutes, and that is fine. It also means the practice happens in your real life, which is where it counts.

How long does it take?

It varies. Many people work on social anxiety over a couple of months, often weekly at first while the ladder is being built, then fortnightly as steps become routine. Signs it is working: you avoid a little less, recover faster after awkward moments, and replay conversations for minutes rather than days.

Finding someone you are comfortable with

Feeling at ease with your counsellor matters even more than usual when the problem itself is about being judged. Read a few profiles, look at experience and the areas each person works in, and trust your sense of who feels approachable.

On InnerHub you can see each practitioner's qualifications, the country they trained in and their years of practice before you book, and you can change practitioner at any time at no extra cost. Our practitioners are experienced and qualified in their own countries and are not AHPRA-registered, so sessions sit outside Medicare. Each session is $59.90 AUD, with no referral and no subscription. For how that compares with other options, see what therapy costs in Australia. If worry is broader than social situations, our page on anxiety counselling online may also help.

If things feel heavier

Social anxiety often travels with low mood. If you notice that, or you ever feel unsafe, reach out sooner. In an emergency call 000. Lifeline is on 13 11 14, any time.

General information, not clinical or medical advice. For adults 18 and over. InnerHub is not a crisis service: in an emergency call 000, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.