Talking to your partner about counselling, without it becoming a fight.

23 October 2026 · 6 min read

You have probably rehearsed this in the shower or on the drive home. The sentence that opens with "I think we should talk to someone" sounds fine in your head, and then lands as "something is wrong with you" in the kitchen. So it keeps not getting said.

This post is about how to raise it so it can be heard, and what your options are if the answer is not yet.

When is a good time to bring up counselling?

A good time is when you are both steady, not in the middle of an argument. A bad time is straight after a fight, late at night or when one of you is about to leave the house. A walk, a drive or a quiet weekend morning gives the conversation room, and being side by side can feel less like an interview than sitting face to face.

Keep the first conversation small. You are not trying to settle everything or get a booking made. You are only trying to put the idea on the table so your partner can think about it.

What should I say?

Start with what you want, not what they have done. Compare these two:

• "You never listen, so we need counselling."
• "I miss feeling close to you, and I would like some help working out how to talk about the hard things."

The second one says the same thing and leaves room for a reply. A few other things tend to help:

• Use "I" and "we" language. It points at the pattern, not the person.
• Name something good. "I want us to feel the way we did on the trip" tells them you are on their side.
• Ask a real question. "What would make this feel okay for you?" works better than "Will you come?"
• Say what counselling is. It is a conversation with a trained listener, not a trial and not a verdict on who is right.

What if my partner says no, or is not sure?

A first "no" is often about fear, not refusal. Common worries are being blamed, being outnumbered, or what it might mean about the relationship. Asking "What worries you about it?" and then listening can change the conversation more than any argument for going.

Give it time. You can say "I would like us to think about it, and we can talk again next week", and then actually leave it for a week. Pushing for an answer on the spot usually hardens the position.

Be honest with yourself, too. Some people stay unwilling for a long while, and your wellbeing does not have to wait for theirs.

Can I go to counselling on my own?

Yes, and for many people it is a sensible first step, not a second best. Relationships Australia's state and territory offices offer counselling for individuals as well as couples.

On your own, you can work out what you actually want, notice what you do when a conversation gets tense, and practise how you would like to say things. People often find that how they show up at home shifts, and that can change how the conversation about counselling goes later.

InnerHub offers individual sessions: you and one counsellor, online, at a time you choose. Each 50-minute session is $59.90 AUD, and our practitioners are experienced and qualified in their own countries, not AHPRA-registered, so sessions sit outside Medicare. You can read more about relationship counselling online and what a session costs.

Where can we go together?

If you both want sessions together, Relationships Australia provides couples counselling through its state and territory offices, and you can reach the nearest one on 1300 364 277. Fees vary by state and some offices offer concession rates, so ask when you call. InnerHub does not currently run sessions for two people at once, and we would rather say that plainly than point you somewhere that does not exist yet.

What if it is more than a disagreement?

Counselling suits two people who are struggling to communicate, drifting apart or stuck in the same argument. It is not the right first step when someone is afraid of their partner, controlled or hurt. In those situations, a joint session can make things less safe, and the priority is your safety. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is the national service for exactly this, free and confidential, any time of day.

Our practitioners work within their training and refer honestly. If what you are carrying needs a doctor or a specialist service, they will say so.

A simple way to start

1. Pick a calm moment and say what you want in one or two sentences.
2. Ask what your partner thinks, and listen to the answer.
3. Agree to come back to it, with a day if you can.
4. If they are not ready, book a session for yourself and begin there.

You do not need your partner's permission to look after your side of the relationship.

This is general information, not clinical or medical advice, and not a substitute for professional care. InnerHub is for adults aged 18 and over.

General information, not clinical or medical advice. For adults 18 and over. InnerHub is not a crisis service: in an emergency call 000, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.